Counting down...

We spend much of our time anticipating. It could be something routine, the bell to ring at school, the clock to read 5 pm at work, or it could be a greater event, a concert by our favorite band, the trip to a foreign country we've been dreaming of.

The month of June has been a series of countdowns for me, not to mention checklists. Costume deadlines, church events, KUT performances, family gatherings, we've having them all this month. Of course the greatest is the Tahiti Fete in San Jose this coming July 4th weekend, but there's so many others that I'm starting to feel I should have written the countdown to all of them on my daily calendar. 20 days to Fete, 6 days to Rep, 4 days to costume check, 3 days to meeting with Chris, and so on.

However, I'm starting to feel the physical effects of holding myself in such a state. I'm tired, all the time, and I've had another pair of vertigo episodes in the last week. Not good. I'd gone 5 weeks since the last one. I get out when I can, take Duke to the dog parks, or just putter with my flowers, but for the first time I've added an after Fete event to my countdown, the camping trip in late July. Yes, I'm counting down to doing nothing everyone. I'm counting down to a lazy day in the hammock, desserts of peeps roasted over coals, and s'mores, and breathing in the bay and redwood scents of the woods near Bodega Bay.

Mmmm...

Being left or falling back?

In certain times of my life, I have felt left behind. Sometimes this worries me, especially if there is a palpable goal and others are clearly attaining it. I've fretted over people moving away, more out of envy than concern, and felt the stomach ache that comes from knowing you will be the only one that hasn't completed a project or assignment on time.

Yet every so often, being left behind has been a blessing, and in fact, I find myself falling behind on purpose as my priorities shift and the value of the here and now is greater than what everyone seems to be striving for. It's not about falling out of the rat race, or leaving it all behind. It's about that small "click" that happens in your thinking when you realize that if you achieve a goal tomorrow or next week, or even next month, that's perfectly okay with you. Not only is it okay, but your life is that much better for the opportunity to spend more time in the present, for not focusing on the future.